The Story So Far…

Dean Cracknell

Those readers joining this serialisation at this juncture should be aware that this is not the beginning of the tale, and those impatient among you who have skipped to this point in the desire to know the denouement of events and their eventual conclusion have arrived prematurely as this is not the end either. However, while no guarantees can be made, and very few (if any) promises kept, the final chapter in this episodic saga draws inexorably closer to its timely and almost anticipated finale, even if the one seen published somewhere within the many enlightening pages of the next thrilling online imprint is not it.

So for those late arrivals to this epic journey of printed words a brief recapitulation of all that has unfolded to this point in time shall ensue: Many months ago a page of text was written for, and subsequently published by, an online literary magazine. It can now be disclosed that the online literary magazine in question was, and still is, the very magazine you are currently reading, and the name of that online literary magazine is of course ‘Harrington’s Concise Almanac and Collected Anthology of Literary Writings for People of a Certain Age, Disposition and Temperament Devoted to Cowering Colts, Frightened Foals, Panicked Ponies, Skittish Stallions and Neurotic Nags’, which as we all know is better known by the more familiar taxonomic name of Equus Timidus.

Notwithstanding that there is the distinct possibility that some, if not all, of these serialised chapters could have be read by one or more of the readers of the online bookish periodical of equine agitation, furtherance of the tale lies in its telling.

So as time passed more pages of text where created, typed, spell cheked, formatted, jiggled, shuffled, reformatted, screwed up and tossed thoughtlessly into the waste bin, retrieved, unfurled, smoothed-out, rewritten, redrafted and re-crafted, and eventually published over the course of several years in consecutive editions of the aforementioned online aperiodical.

To ensure that the author, (which is I), did not lose track of events that would result in disjointed anachronisms and plot-holes as wide as the Pacific Ocean, plot-lines and story arcs were story-boarded and a journal of characters characteristics and chronology was painstakingly crafted and rigorously maintained. To create a seemingly ad hoc sprawl with the semblance of carefree abandon requires judicious planning, forethought and meticulous attention to detail as it is impossible to return to chapter three and place a loaded revolver in the top drawer of the main protagonists desk for later use once it has been published. Please note, the revolver was never in the drawer and plays no part in the subsequent passage of proceedings that will be revealed in due course; the same is true of the candlestick, the rope and the knife that were not mentioned in chapters two, seven and twelve respectively. However, the fates of the lead pipe and the wrench have been left pending as to preserve an air of suspense that is necessary in any sequential chronicle.

At this stage it should come as no surprise to now learn that these pages can soon be printed out on a standard office laser printer, which when folded following simple and easy to follow sets of instructions will create a life-size representation of a scale model of the Taj Mahal, (due to copyright issues some versions of the Romance-language edition may feature the Koh-i-Noor Indian restaurant of Stuttgart as a substitute). The said origami inspired directives were initially published in 17 weekly parts that where themselves anthologised within a single leather-bound volume on Celtic grammar as an appendix to the section on transliteration of diphthongs that is now in the private collection of persons unknown. Please note that once you have folded your office laser printer into the form of the Taj Mahal (or the Koh-i-Noor, Stuttgart as applicable) it will only be able to print out two-for-one coupons for use in those Indian restaurants. [terms and conditions apply, cannot be used in conjunction with any other discount voucher, contents may settle in transport, keep away from small children and big men with guns, please wipe your nose, that dew-drop of snot that is poised to drip on the page is not becoming and may cause the ink to run].