Revelations from a Very Sick Person

Alison L.

1. I am noticing how dainty my ankles are. I have rather big legs, but my ankles are muscular without losing their feminity.

2. The very evening I came down with a gut infection full force is the same day I had earlier done a grueling ab-work regimen. Coincidence?!? I think not.

3. I always joke that when I finally take a sick day (I’m stubborn and not prone to malingering) that I’d lay around and watch Netflix all day. Now that I am ailing enough to warrant a proper sick day (in my mind), I’ve been too ill and weak to watch one lick.

4. Food aversions everywhere! Great for weight loss!

5. Gut infections in general — great for weight loss!

6. I still maintain that sick-produced delusions are tantamount to a Lynch or Noé film.

7. Why don’t they make a mail order service for this? Wait, DO THEY?

8. I’m really glad I no longer share a common wall with neighbors.

9. Dying

10. Considering I’ve not been this sick since 2008 (and before that 1997), I’m on a pretty good run. However, this probably means 2025 is gonna suuuuck.