Driving at Speeds Greater Than 33 MPH Can Give You Epilepsy

Ballard Moxoc

We were sitting in a café which slowly transformed into a Chinese restaurant when you took your top off. Several different people joined us at the table, explained an obscure biblical passage, and proceeded to order several cheese-based dishes. Each person had the wrong map for this section of town but didn’t seem concerned about it while they were starting at your supple nipples, which were growing more erect as more of the restaurant became Chinese in nature. Eventually we were alone, and I could feel myself getting sexually aroused by your breasts and cheese remains. You leaned closer to me and wrote a word on my forehead with a magic marker. You giggled, and your breasts jiggled wondrously. I tried to get you to tell me the word you had written on my forehead in magic marker but every time I asked you just laughed harder and harder. As your laughed, your tits would bounce about, and I would get harder and harder. You were so beautiful with your mouth wide open, your chest moving about, and your arms outstretched above your head in fits of laughter. Eventually my curiosity about the word on my forehead grew to an uncontrollable level, so I looked around for a metallic surface to see if I could read it in my reflection.

Unfortunately, every time I got near a reflective surface, the configuration of the tables and chairs would change. This produced a long line of unusually designed chairs and tables, most of which were uncomfortable to sit in. Eventually, I produced one that was tolerable, but we were always seated on different sides of the table, even if only one of us tried to move to the other side of the table. So, we sat, and you talked. As you talked about Greenland’s administrative divisions, you began to shrink in size, eventually becoming the size of a small doll. At your smallest your complexion changed to make you appear as if you were made of some sort of glassy wax. You were so fragile. I picked you up and rubbed you all over my genitals until I ejaculated tremendously. Your discussion of Greenland’s government became muffled. The waitstaff were mildly displeased with my overexaggerated and obscene sexual gestures, that they said they had to add an extra 12% gratuity to our bill. It didn’t really phase me in my state of sexual bliss. After my penis was sufficiently drained, I put your back on your seat and you slumped weirdly. Shortly after, your head became detached. As I picked you up again, this time to put your back together, I again became overcome with a strong sexual urge, even though it had only been three minutes and fourteen seconds since I ejaculated. So, I proceeded to insert my now hard again cock into your neck hole. I took your head and rubbed it around my scrotum, perineum, and anus. This was so arousing I completely forgot about the word you had written on my forehead earlier in the evening. I kept rubbing and thrusting for what felt like at least 36 seconds, until my loins burst with a force hitherto unknown to mankind. Once the sexual ecstasy had passed, I put you together again, although now your chest cavity was filled with my semen. This caused you to cough several times, but each time you did you grew in size slightly. Shortly after you became about 2/3rds of your normal size, we were given several bills, mostly for other people. I tried to argue with the head waiter, but he kept repeating titles of Rudyard Kipling poems. I signed his name to the checks, and I took you and we left.

I carried you to my car. I put you in the front seat and then we both realized we left your shirt in the restaurant. Being we didn’t pay any of the bills we were given, we decided you didn’t need a shirt. I climbed in the car through the passenger window and after a short slapstick filled sequence, which somehow resulted in me planting sunflower seeds in the ecstasy, we drove away. The road was very wet, even though the sun was shining. As we drove, the car moved in a constant skidding motion, but I didn’t even consider the wetness on the road, as I was admittedly distracted by your beautiful breasts as you sat glistening in the fading sunlight. The road became titled rather significantly and eventually we seemed to be skidding up a large incline. We passed several groups of people playing craps in the street. Every once and awhile we would skid into a dice roll and several large men would look at us like we were performing blimp maintenance. Luckily, we got great acceleration on the titled moist surface. We kept climbing an incline, which at some point became quite comically steep, especially to play craps on. But those street urchins were persistent sons of bitches. After dozens of minutes, I hit somebody’s mirror with the car. This seemed to crack the very foundation of the universe. Around us houses crumbled, and the Earth fissured with unbridled gusto. The road’s incline lurched upwards and we had no choice but to accelerate greatly to keep the tires on the road, as we were now essentially driving upside down. I asked for a handjob and you were skeptical. I said I would reciprocate the favor and you eventually complied but only after the sky turned an unearthly black around us. We kept driving, your hand on my cock, my hand in your cunt, towards what was surely an endless oblivion.

My only regret was that I never learned the word you wrote on my forehead.