Hanging Things from Things Where They Don't Belong

T. Weasel



My new computer (I wonder how long I can keep calling it new) has a wireless keyboard which I had to order separately because the guy who put it together hadn't thought of including it. Upon arrival it turned out to be an Azerty keyboard, made for frogs and the like, which they apparently sold in the Dutch market with no additional notes or questions notifying me of what a weird thing I was doing. I guess the customer is king, and the king had to order a new pack of stickers to paste on this stupid Azerty keyboard to make it Qwerty, even though I already noticed that some of the keys weren't responding properly and I should have just bought a new keyboard then and there, but I decided to be optimistic (bad choice) and endure the struggle, hoping it would get normal after a while. And then, guess what, I can't use diacritics on it either. Yeah I know that's something I could easily solve by changing the settings but it's Windows 10 and I really hate navigating through this unfamiliar shit. Also, it doesn't have Office, which of course I only found out when I really needed it, but okay, I'm trying to stick to the keyboard here. I'm trying to stick IT to the keyboard! I'm planning to suspend it from a big rusty hook attached to my ceiling, exactly at the height where it is just on the verge of connecting to the PC and I will sit back and watch it struggle until the battery runs out and the rust slowly spreads through the iron parts, while I wait for my new keyboard to arrive. Then I will install Office.

I love my nail clipper. It's so efficiently designed, so polymorphic, so easy in its usage. It is unfortunate that it's so cheap as well as so durable, because now, to pay my respects to the inventor, I will have to do a lot of research to find out where I could donate that money. The downside is, then, that the effort I would have to put into it will almost equate the value of the appreciation I'd like to add to the price I already paid for the thing, with the added downside that there won't be a share of the money paying respects to the underpaid-respect-to workers who manufactured it. So to resolve this and to account for the unfairly low price I am now applying the nail clipper to slightly less suited purposes, such as cleaning out my ears and, you guessed it, hanging it from things where it doesn't belong. It's currently hanging from my lamp in a position I didn't even conceive to be possible but I guess there is a bit of elasticity to the little handle which I am currently stretching out. The added bonus is that it saves some space on my desk.

Speak of unfair pricing, bananas hang from things where they don't belong. Blood trees! I know we shouldn't be asking for too much at once but if you cut down parts of a forest, can you at least use some of the proceeds to give the new employees there a fair wage? You don't get rich from competing with other poor countries, step up your game!

I used to hang my suit over one of my only three chairs. That was a massive waste of space since it was a bloody expensive suit and I didn't went to ruin it by just sitting on the chair with my sweaty back rubbing up against it. It took me over a year to move it but after a nice spiritual journey and a period of mourning I finally gathered the courage and decided to hang it from two coat hangers which had been taking up loads of space in the food cabinet for months (yes, it took me that long to even make the connection). So now I'm hanging it from where it does belong, and it has lead me to formulate the theory that it is funny to hang things from things where they don't belong, so long as the thing getting hung isn't really big and doesn't get in the way if you put there. You will find it back on my revised life lessons list if you stick around!