How to Disable Windows Completely
J. K. Giih
During the past few weeks there has been much concern conserning windows, and rightly so. While using windows or even simply having windows installed has been a privacy risk ever since the very first version of windows became available to the public, it can hardly be denied that windows on the average are much larger now than they were in the rural communities of our ancestors, consequently allowing a much wider view from the outside in. Unsurprisingly this invasive development has lead many thoughtful citizens to thoroughly rid themselves of these instruments of surveillance.
The most robust and most recommended method to obtain freedom from windows is to uninstall and replace them with solid walls of wood or bricks. Unfortunately for many apartments this is difficult or even impossible to do without the neighbours or the landlord or the police or the city officials noticing. All the unlucky individuals inhabiting such an apartment might therefore find it best to settle for the second best option, which is to leave the windows as they are and simply block them from the inside. While planks are traditionally used for this purpose, it is by far more convenient for most to place high bookshelves directly in front of the windows. However a word of warning is in order: if your windows are situated in the close proximity of radiators and hot water pipes, do not place any heat sensitive items on the shelves, especially not on the lower ones. Vinyl records and floppy disks are in particular danger of warping, but prolonged heat exposure may also damage the bindings of books. No doubt this is exactly why radiators are so often placed near windows: the more risky it is to block the windows with bookshelves, the less people will venture to do it. It is also remarkable how the heating in most blocks of flats is deliberately designed in a way that prevents residents from turning it off or even reducing it at all!
Hopefully this article has inspired at least a few or our readers to take back a portion of their personal freedom by blocking the windows in their apartments, houses, cottages, saunas, sheds, trailers and cars. If you have any other brilliant ideas on how to block windows with, we will gladly read and publish them in future issues.