On Writing Durnk
J. K. Gihd
Jophn Steinbwekc,. or was it William Faulkerner , a nm acclaimed writer, once gave the advice: »Write durnk , edit sober.)» Well I don’t edit what iI write, but I can cornfirm that the first part of the advice is solid. I mostly liek to get durnk by drinking urine flavoured bear, that is, any generic pale lager, because A ti’s cheap and B it tastes like urine. Whne I drink it I like to imagein that a cute female gril is urinating in my mouth in an erotic way and making me dirnk it. I am an uriene fetisheist and when iI get durnk enoguh I sometimes start writing things. But I ’m werey shy in real life and on the internet and I woudln’t know how to approach a gril who would perhaps like to urinate upon me. I don’t find myseldf verry attarctive physically, my skin has holes in it and there’s possibly a slight case of cancer on my penis. And then there’s the trouble of changing the sheets after urine flavoured sex and putting them in the washing machine. I don’t like to wash sheets verry often because my washing machine is Chinese and refuses to start until you push the button several times. I think the hose might have a slihgt blockagge.) Professional urine feitsheshishts usually have plastic sheets they can just rinse under the tap like I do with the dishes. But even if I did find a sick pervert on the internet I would be too shy to inveite it to my apartment because I dont’ know what kind of apartments pervert females usually live in and I’m afraid mine might not be up to standarad. Fro expamle there’s no couch because it wouldn’t fit, and there’s only one (1) chair because I only sit on one chair at a time. It’s from IKEA and partly hollow but I’ve gotten used to it. Theere are six book shelves where some other people who don’t have books might keep some other furniture, but I’m not some other people. I don’t even really want to have sex with a female ever because I woulnd’t even pay for a prostitute. I’ve been thinkging about it and even if I could get a prostitetue for a reasonable price like maybe 20 (twnenty) euros I woudl much rather spend that moeny on something like books or alcohchol. I don’t even like amusenemnt parks, and when I went skiing during elemnentary skool, the kind of skiing where you take an elevator up a hill and then ski down the hill and then go up again, I knew it was stupid but I went anyway because everyoen kept tellling me how awesome it is, buty I only went that one time becasue it was indeed idiotic. Once I went to an amusenemnt park but at least I didn’t go any of the rides, not even on the pig-flavoured train that was ment for kids and didn’t go very fast. I put money on the slot machines and lost ten (10) euros, which was the biggest amouint of moeny I had ever lost, and I felt so much like carp that I coudn’t even tell my mom about it, and I know I’d feel the same way if I spent ten (!10) euros on a prostitetute.I once loved a gril in a slightly erotic way , she had a turquoiise hair whihch is my favouredirte colour butt she also had a boyfriend so she didn’t love me back even though she loved one ratehr famous Aurststrailian singer and the Russian gril who killed herself because she ws deprssed and her mother talked to flowers told me I looked a bit like him which was partly ture becausue at the time I had a simliar haircut. And then I loved another gril who was the gril with pretty hands in an eotiritc way butt she didn’t love me back because she already had a boydirfiredn.d I rpoobllblby still slightly love her in an eoritc wy but t O i don’t think she would ever urineate upon me. Seh’ll probalblly get her book oif poems puslblished before I will mine because I havne’t written one yet and she knows people. Most poets only get pulsblished becauyse they know each other. Soem few rare ones dn’t know anyone. I don’t know anyone. Yet I’m better than most pusbhlished poets because I havne’t published anything. Why doesn’t evefery cute female poet I lvoe in an eroticway want to urinate in my mouth?