Mail from Readers
compiled and edited by T. K. Oih
During the past few months we have received a number of letters and notes from our avid readers. We are pleased to hear that our humble publication has provided joy and inspiration to hundreds if not dozens of people from all over the world and from all walks of life.
Many of their letters valuable resource reflection of time hope they don’t mind if we publish them do a favor for future students of history and literature.
Thank You and a Potential Submission
First of all, let me begin by telling you that I have read and reread every issue of your magazine and thoroughly enjoyed them all.
The reason I’m writing you is that I notice on your front page you are requesting essays and reportages for future issues. I’m a bit of an amateur chemist myself and was wondering if you would be interested in publishing some of my research journals? They are hand written but perfectly legible for the most part. I believe I have also solved at least one or two of the unsolved field equations, but not being a physician I have no way to confirm my results. I hope to hear from you soon.
- Randy Mathers, Arcadia, Missouri
I Hope You’re Still Alive and Would Appreciate It If You Let Me Know If You’re Not
Unless I’ve missed something — this is a constant fear of mine — you haven’t written me for a while.
A couple of weeks ago I considered writing you, but, assuming you were probably busy or distressed or something like that, decided not to.
A few days ago I thought there’s probably some specific reason why you haven’t written me, but I failed to come to a conclusion on what it could be.
(The few things I wrote you the last time seem quite worthless to me now and didn’t really require an answer, but I assumed you would reply anyway, because you don’t seem like the kind of person who leaves letters unanswered.)
I’m worried about my spelling. I recently switched to GNU/Linux and had to get a new text editor and the text looks different than what I’m used to — softer, somehow. Particularly the word »leaves» looks strange.
Anyway, last night I read some of Daniil Kharms’s letters, most of them hilarious, especially the one where he congratulates his friend(?) for getting married, and I thought I really must practise writing letters, mainly because I can’t write them as quickly as I’d like to and also because the letter is my third favourite literary form right after the fragment and the short short story.
Since, when I went through the list of people I could write to, you were the first one I thought of, I instantly decided to write to you, even though, considering the unusually long pause in our correspondence, I wasn’t quite sure if I should. (In most cases it’s not easy for me to tell whether people want to be left alone or if they’d prefer to be occasionally confused with unexpected letters.)
I’m sorry if this annoys you. I haven’t been happy with anything I’ve written recently, except maybe one short short story about a man with a skin disease. I’m getting quite good at frying eggs though. I can almost flip them without breaking the yellow part.
This is all I will write, as I have to watch ski jumping now.
Some Minor Critique
I’m a big fan of your magazine and erotic poetry in particular. Can you include more of tit? My only complait is that there’s too much silly. I don’t want to laugh when I read a serious magazine.
- Hank, 9, Breckenridge, Missouri
With great sorrow and hesitance I have to inform I have had enough of this magazine. The reason is simple: I have been a fisherman all my life and when I read what you the editor wrote in the previous issue and what you or your friends had published under pseudonyms in the very first issue and again in the second one, I thought you were an honest worker and human being like myself, in one word, a communist. But when I read the garbled mess that was the editorial of the latest issue, I was disappointed. Just who do you think you are trying to pass off such postmodern new-age hodgepodge as communism? Yes, I know what postmodern is, I’ve read my Harry Potters too. Son, when I was your age, I skated twelve kilometres across the lake every day to get to school and went fishing in the summer and didn’t buy my first car (a Moskvitch 426) until I was 28, and even then not one of the girls I went to the dances with ever wore makeup. You have a lot learn about running a journal.
- Lars Peter Nagel, Narvik, Norway
A Bold Accusation
T. K. Oih, J. K. Giih, and some third, robbed me. With the child killer kleptomaniac U. N. Ture, robbed me, a serial rapist. Out of child welfare officials, whores of narcomaniacs, even if cut to pieces with an axe, out of those liars you can’t make a person.
- the Present King of France
Who is Miss R. Rat featured in the first issue of the magazine? I thought her poem was pretty and was wondering if she is as pretty as her poem. She sounds like a sweet gril. Would you please de-liver her this message along with my contact information?
- Emily, 19, Birmingham
On Art and Atomic Energy
Honoured Master! Finally I have gathered enough courage to approach Honoured Master with a letter. I am but a fisherman in profession but in spirit I have dedicated my life to atomic energy. When the first atomic power plant came to Iceland I was one of the few in my village to welcome it. I have always had a strong faith in science. For example, when we find a way to harness atomic energy to perform agriculture in an infinite fast loop of time, we have solved the problem of food for good. After this invention there will no longer be a need to work, because infinite amounts of food will be distributed for free by governements and organizations everywhere. At last there will be time to dedicate to the finer things in life, such as Your magazine, Honoured Master! I hope it’ll be around for many more years to come, and yes I truely believe the human race will make it alive and well to the next century, and the one next to that if we’re lucky and focus on the right things (atomic energy). Do not worry about me, I am quite comfortable with the simple life I’m living. I get welfare now and only fish during the winter. If You ever come to Iceland on one of Your future poetry tours, Honoured Master, my humble abode has nothing but empty rooms in it.
- Ragnar Laxness, Raufarhöfn, Iceland,
the yellow house on the left when you come from the mainland
Personal, Do Not Publish!
Hey sweetie, do you remember that »dagger» I bought online to do ritual magick with? Do you know where I put it? It’s not in the red dresser. Let me know if you find it. I’m not happy with having to use my fingers, if you know what I mean.
- U. N. Ture