You were supposed to go to bed hours ago but in your mind you keep seeing a mental glimpse of the family videos that your parents used to watch.
You were such a chubby baby. You were naive to the world. You accepted things the way they were. Your family fed as much love as they could into you. Yes, they were flawed people, but the only thing a parent can do is try their best.
You looked up to them and you couldn't even conceive being that old. Your existence was simple. There were so many things to learn, and plenty of time to learn them. Most of all, was the potential.
Was this potential to be something great? Maybe, but more importantly, there was potential to be happy.
As you absorb those few seconds of home video that your mind continues to process repeatedly, you think about your parents thoughts at that point. They wanted the best for you. They wanted nothing more than to see you achieve something and find happiness. They worked their entire lives, and continue to work their lives to support you on that pathway to happiness. Don't they DESERVE your happiness?
Aren't you fucking MISERABLE? Aren't you exactly the opposite of what your family deserves? They wanted a happy child. They worked so hard to help you find happiness. Even ignoring financial contributions, they made emotional sacrifices for you. When you and your siblings moved out of the house your parents looked at each other thinking, »Wow. Without our children we have forgotten what we had in common.» Your FAT WORTHLESS MISERABLE EXISTENCE slowly tore away at their marriage.
Who are we to be sorry people in a sorrowful world?
You can see the baby steps that you used to take. You can see yourself stumbling. At what point in your life did it become better to die than exist? You can't return the life to your family. »MOM. DAD. I'd like you to travel back in time and convince yourselves to conceive one month later than you did. Another person deserves this life. I swear, he will be much happier than me.»
You are a failure. You will never succeed, because worldly success does not guarantee happiness. YOUR ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY WOULD BE FUCKING APPALLED at your thoughts right now, you worthless fatass. They would be EMBARRASSED to be the people that raised you. You were given a life but you've squandered it in self-hatred. HOW COULD YOU TAKE THE LIFE THAT YOUR FAMILY HAS GIVEN YOU AND RUIN IT FOR THEM??? WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING POINTLESS? GET A LIFE! GET A CAREER!
IF YOU CAN'T FIND HAPPINESS LIVING LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO, AT SOME POINT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TOLD AND PRETEND TO BE HAPPY SO YOU DON'T MAKE ANYONE WORRY ABOUT YOUR DEATH COMING SOONER THAN YOUR FAMILY DESERVES. THEY DESERVE TO HAVE A FALSE IMAGE OF A HAPPY CHILD. FUCK YOU FATASS. YOU ARE WORTHLESS YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR FAMILY. YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOURSELF. YOU ARE A LAUGHING STOCK, AND THIS DIATRIBE WILL ONLY FUEL THE RESENTMENT THAT YOU FEEL TOWARDS YOURSELF.
YOU DESERVE WORSE THAN THIS LIFE. YOUR FAMILY DESERVES TO SEE THE FALSE IMAGE OF A HAPPY CHILD.